his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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