Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
