Non-Jews are for practice
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
