Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
