did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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