Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
