Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
