peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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