her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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