I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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