my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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