i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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