I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
