he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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