escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
