i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
