I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
