Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
