I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
