my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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