Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
