We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize