all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
