Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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