Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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