I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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