TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
