i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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