Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
