like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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