Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
