I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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