Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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