I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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