I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
