Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize