I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize