i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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