Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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