If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
