ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
