I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
