I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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