This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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