stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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