That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
