i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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