he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
