I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
