Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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