I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
