Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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