Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
