I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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