dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
