Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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