The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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