Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
