I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
