Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
