if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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