I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
