I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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