She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You have to summon your inner elephant
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
