she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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