my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
MIDGETS
????
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
