dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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