I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
