even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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